College & Me?

It started once I registered for classes at the local community college; panic! 

What was I doing? 

Why couldn't I go back to my safe little job of dealing with brides and grooms, colors of altar flowers or questions pertaining to where they can park their Hummer limousine close to the church?

I couldn't even distract myself anymore with attending water polo games or swimming meets and volunteering to bring, bake or sit my bottom on a chair to time the races.

 The cold wet rag of reality that kept slapping me in the face was telling me I had been laid off from my job and all my children had finished high school.

Every day I thought about dropping those classes but didn't.

 Every day I thought something else would come along so I could have an excuse to drop those classes.

 Each day brought me closer and closer to face an unrealized fear. 

If someone had asked me six months ago whether I would be going back to school in the near future, I would have told them it was more likely that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie wanted me to plan their wedding at the Old Mission church in San Luis Obispo.

Unluckily for me, my son and daughter had the same schedule I did (no skipping out for a Starbucks soy late during class time) and we drove together to our first day of class in 2009. It was pretty much teeth grinding (their music on the CD player), white knuckles grabbing the armrest (if you saw how close my son drives to the other cars) and mind freezing panic (if its boring, stupid or a mind numbing class, I am so out of there) type of car ride.

My sweet son walks me to my classroom...he must have sensed the Starbucks vibe bouncing off me! Seems I am one of the last ones to arrive (since when do young people show up early??!!), I scoot into a chair by a slight young man dressed all in black. He immediately starts to sketch these Anime creepy drawings with devil tails and three pronged pitchforks...its all very dark and disturbing. The teacher starts taking roll and I only recognize my name because he said, "Lisa," first. The rest is garbled, mangled and tossed aside into nothingness of speech.  Geeez. This is going really well.

I am pretty much ready to bolt out of my chair to forever nevermore land at break when the teacher must have sensed the panic and started to use words that began to resonate within me. 

"We all need to step outside ourselves and get out of our normal routine. We need to find and discover a new way of relating to the world. If you do, you will have more possibilities in your life."

He kept repeating this theme many times in his discussion (was it my imagination but I think he looked at me every time when stating this truth-ism) and he was absolutely, frustratingly, right.

I had been freaking out over changing my normal routine and doing something I had never really planned on in the first place. I didn't really need the class to further my career, finish a credential or was it going to pay off financially. I had been talking for a million years of wanting to do art, if I had the time, if I had the right course offered, blah, blah, blah.

What if I am uncomfortable, if I am pushed to look at life differently and my stream of consciousness  turns into a torrent of creativity and color. I say yes to this new life! I say yes to allowing myself to be freaked out a lot this year and yes, I am changing my seat by Anime Demon Man!